tomorrow is the day. the big day. i don't even know if i'll get to sleep tonight or not. wow...i can't wait.

another day.

so dad seems to be taking things ok. it's hard to tell though...i'm a lot like him so i know he is bottling all of it up inside. i was down to my parents place over the weekend and mom came out and asked me, "so what do you think of dad's situation?" i was blank. i didn't know how to answer that at all. all i could say was, "i don't know what to think, mom." and i don't. i don't have any idea how to handle this. being faced with anything that could endanger the mortality of my parents really throws me for a loop. so i tend to not think of it. you usual thing...pretend it doesn't exist. guess it must be some kind of coping mechanism. i want to go visit again this coming weekend, but when i was leaving last weekend...i almost broke down when giving my dad a hug...

on the plus side, if all goes right, i'll be signing the papers for my new vehicle this friday. i'll finally have my own transportation again...i can't wait. i've already got a road trip planned out for early to mid may. all i have to do is book the vacation time and gather up some travel money. hopefully i'll have the money to get it registered and insured. heh, i had the money to get the vehicle, but not the insurance.

i'm in a extraordinary amount of pain today...i was yesterday as well. my right hip is acting up again and i'm finding it very difficult to walk at all. just getting out of bed was a chore and i've been walking with a slight limp all day. i hate having to take pain killers this early in the morning, but i don't have much of a choice. sitting in the stupid office chairs at work is painful enough. well, at least i don't have to move much when i'm working...ugh.


i'm a little off kilter right now, so you'll have to forgive me. my day hasn't been the best and things are bringing me down.

it's my father's birthday today and as usual, i forgot. mom called me earlier to remind me so that i could give him a call while he is out on in the truck. otherwise i wouldn't get to talk to him until the weekend. in the process she mentions that she has bad news. it would have been nice to have been asked if i was sitting down...cause i wasn't. "dad has prostate cancer." she says...knocking me to the nearest seat. apparently they caught it in the early stages, but they don't want to do the radiation thing. they want to do surgery to make sure that they get it all. if they do the radiation first, they wouldn't be able to go ahead withsurgery later if it shows up again. as you can probably tell...i'm worried.

a lot of things have not gone the way i would have like them to, over the last little while. i can only hope that things get better and that the rest of my plans don't go belly up.

i need some sleep...have to clear my head.


i am so tired. i have fallen asleep at my desk no less then five times this evening. i couldn't have slept well last night at all. it took me forever to get out of bed as well. kept hitting the snooze button and turning off my cell phone. ugh, kill me now...